Help, I don’t have an orgasm during sex

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Aunty Julie, My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about three months. I enjoy making love to him very much, but intercourse doesn’t give me any pleasure. He can easily bring me to orgasm through oral sex, but I don’t feel any pleasure from regular sex. Sometimes, I can’t even tell if he’s inside of me or not. I feel so bad about it, and we’ve been trying to find some information that might help us, but there isn’t any. Why is this happening? It isn’t like I don’t know how to have an orgasm; I do but nothing works during intercourse. Can you help me? Lia

Dear Lia, Your ability to have an orgasm through oral sex may be able to teach you a big lesson. Perhaps your partner could incorporate oral sex into your intercourse routine. A woman’s sexual pleasure mostly comes from stimulation to the clitoris which is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a male organ!

So, ask your partner to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency . You can try using your own fingers during sex, too. Also, try a variety of sex positions where your clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and pacing. Get creative! Certain positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each time you make love. Remember, if you love making love with your partner, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or pleasure during intercourse.

Instead, if you wish, you can use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to let your partner know, either verbally or by demonstrating, what turns you on the most. Take the time to learn exactly what that is.


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